Wednesday, November 17, 2010

That actually wasn't so bad...

The "pre admission clinic" actually wasn't as awful as I had thought.

The nurse was very reassuring, telling me that they have "very large" ladies come in at times, and they've just set the cutoff at 41.

And that actually, I was at 39, but because there was still some time to go, it's good to just get in and discuss.

The doctor muttered to the nurse when he grabbed my file, "What's she doing here. She's not nearly big enough."

My negative self tells me he probably just said it for my benefit... but then again, I don't think he knew I was listening from my seat in the waiting area.

Either way, it was actually a pleasant enough experience, one the waiting room time was done. Useless, but not hideous or embarassing.

I definitely need to address my issues with my own body image, and whatever is at the heart of that great insecurity. Why do I have to measure up? It really does seem to boil down to me feeling that people are judging my worth when they look at me. And that my physique reflects on my worth.

Ay. Not good. But at least I'm pondering it.

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