The thought struck me, last night, lying in bed, that I don't need to be that way.
In my typical fashion, my thoughts on remedying my attitude lie in a grand all-or-nothing start, going hard it it, doing whatever it takes, until I'm "better". Um. Hi. That's flawed reasoning, now isn't it?
So even though:
- I can't lose weight right now
- It's not New Year's Day
- It's not the beginning of a grande all-out diet and exercise regimen
- It's not a special day in any way, shape or form...
I'd like to start to change my attitude. My attitude is what got me here. My feelings about myself, about food, about body image, about self-worth or lack of self-worth. My thoughts about what it means to be perfect.
These all need re-vamping, and on a huge scale. I don't believe I'll attain any real measure of weight loss success, in the long term, without learning to be happy with me.
And I don't mean learning to be happy with me the way I am right now - the flab and the 'tude. I mean learning to love the heart of me. Who I really am, what my gifts are, and what I have to offer.
That's something that I need to start chipping away at. Like a master sculptor who has a day job, I need to look at what I'm working with, and start working with it. I don't want to work against myself anymore. I want to form and fashion and mold myself into the person I want to be.
I feel like much of my life has just been a fight between me and myself. To the death, it seems at times. I wind up getting nowhere, except that familiar place of frustration. This time, I will try to take it a little bit at a time. A chisel move here, and then step back and survey. Or go do something else and then come back.
Hopefully, I won't be throwing myself so far into things that I won't be able to focus elsewhere, or worse, that I'll give up the moment I fail. I'm sure I will fail, but a small failure isn't debilitating. Quitting in the face of a small failure, is.
Step one is focussing on the positives about myself, instead of the negatives. That's one very big step. To shrink that down even further? I'm going to go and admire something that I've accomplished with my own two hands. Then I'll accomplish something else, be it crocheting or baking a cake for someone else.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Confucius