Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Take a deep breath.

I can be such a nervous wreck sometimes. I don't know whether it's hilarious, or just really, really sad.

You be the judge.

I finally got up the nerve to step on the scale again... the first time since BEFORE EASTER. It's like anything - the longer you put it off, the scarier it is to start. The last time I'd weighed in before that was April 4th.

I took a deep breath, thinking of all of the splurges, the dessert, the birthday cake, the BBQs, the weddings, the missed exercise, the sneaked cheesecake.... My stomach was in knots. My heart was thumping just a little bit too hard, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't from the extra pounds. With complete apprehension, I reached out a toe and tapped my scale on. I checked the door. Closed. Locked. I didn't want anyone else to witness this. I stepped gingerly onto my scale, hoping somehow that it would appreciate my gentleness and give me a better answer. I shifted my weight to one foot, lifting the other... and my scale finalized the result. ERR. Oh. Error. I don't think I weigh ERR. So I stepped off the scale, and cancelled it again.

With another deep breath, and careful expelling of all my extra oxygen, I stepped on the beast again. And waited, stock still, for the result. I was sure I'd gone up again. Not only that, but maybe to an un-recoverable number. Maybe this was the end for me? Maybe I should just quit now... and tell myself to be "happy where I'm at."

Shakily, I peeked down at the plastic monster between my feet.

And gasped.

No, I hadn't gone up. No, I hadn't stayed the same. After almost three months of avoiding the awful truth, I had LOST weight. And not just a little, either! I was down 7 lbs!

Oh hallelujah! All that fear of gaining must have subconsiously been helping, somehow.

Oh, I don't want to do that again. No matter how painful it is, I'll be weighing in every week from now on.

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My weight loss journey