Friday, March 21, 2008

Examining my Motivation

Is ANY motivation to get healthy considered good motivation?

Well, let me think about this. To me, if the end result is a healthy fit, hot-mama me, then I'm not too worried about the thought process that gets me there.

On the other hand, I'm wondering if my current views of myself and my obsessions are setting me up for a constant self-critisism down the road.

Somewhere in my half-baked thoughts, I have the idea that once I reach my weight goal, that's it. I'll just be done with it. I won't stress any more, and though I'll still watch my food intake and keep active, I just won't think about it much anymore. I'll be 'perfect', or as close to is as I can be, and I'll be happy.

Now let me take the other view. Here's the other half-baked thought, which I'd like to bring to the front, give a thorough examination, and then either get rid of it... or bring it permanently to the fore: I have a thought that perhaps I should be avoiding any obsessions now. Perhaps I should simply be living my life, be happy with who I am and where I'm at, and (without becoming complacent at all) work toward my goals... without putting my goals in the forefront. Is it possible that my current love of fashion, my current addiction to America's Next Top Model (watching it on YouTube), my measuring and weighing and mirrors and stress... is NOT the way to a happier, even healther, me?

To break this down to the bare bones, I'd have to take it a step further. With Easter coming up, and all the eating and drinking that always entails, and then my sister's wedding one week afterwards, it seems as if my every thought is focussed on myself. I'm worried about my own diet to such an extent, I'm beginning to thing that it just might interfere with Easter itself. Or even with my enjoyment of my own sister's wonderful wedding day.

There is a scale in front of me, but there is also a balance. I had better be careful that while "it's all about me"... it's also not.

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My weight loss journey