Monday, October 29, 2007

Wow, where have I been?

It's been a busy week so far. By week, I'm counting from weigh in to weigh in, so I mean since Thursday - the start of a new week.

On Friday night we went to my cousin's birthday party, and I was so well behaved. Baking is my weakness, so I planned my day around having some cake when we were there. When the cake came out I did have some, but it wasn't even as necessary as I thought - I didn't even finish it! I was really surprised with myself. I had a great time visiting with friends and family, and enjoyed the couple of drinks my cousin in law mixed for me.

So, to that point, everything went splendidly. My husband told me he was glad we'd gone, and my kids had a blast playing with the other kids there. Then we went home, and I took my left over cream cheese dip. THAT was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.

Everyone else went to bed, and I cleaned my kitchen. And while I cleaned, I ate the leftover dip.

Can I not control myself? Ugh. At least I didn't go over my points for the day, but STILL. I didn't MEAN to eat it, and so I SHOULDN'T have eaten it, right?

Saturday was a great day. I cleaned hard, I ate just what I had intended to eat. That evening, my dear hubby J and I went out to a couples event sponsored by our church. They had a master pastry chef doing dessert, and I did NOT want to pass that up. The only time I'd eat a dessert that fantastic would maybe be at the Fairmont Hotel... and THEIRS would cost $25. Yes, I'm just talking about dessert. It was AMAZING. And don't even get me started on the Beef Wellington I had for supper! Wow!

The thing is, as much as I absolutely enjoyed my evening AND my meal... I didn't count it. So in the back of my mind, niggling away, was the fact that I had eaten it all, every last bite down to my hubby's cast-off beets, and not even attempted to know how many calories I was eating.

Is that horrible? Should I have stressed about it? As a matter of fact, would it have been less stressful if I had just acknowledged just how much I was eating? Or was it worse to ignore it. So many questions - and I don't have the answers. I just know that I was sooo full - and that it was incredible.

Sunday was a crash-and-burn day. I didn't count points, and I ate whatever I wanted to eat. I have a vague notion that I didn't do TOO badly, but the whole POINT of this is that I need to be COUNTING POINTS. If I slack off and ignore the points, those pounds I'm trying to lose will slack off and ignore my efforts... and stay just where I put them. Namely on my waist, my ass, my thighs, my arms, and yes, even my face. How distasteful.

I should take some proper "before" photos, but I just don't want to have to look at them.

Maybe I'll wait until I have some "during" ones to add. I just want to see some progress. Looking at the now might just depress me.

And then I just might head for the chocolate bar sitting in my cupboard.

And I refuse to do that for now, and I refuse to do that EVER - without writing it down.

1 comment:

Bi0nicw0man said...

Don't beat yourself up over the not counting. You can't go back and do it all over again, so now's the time to pick up and move ahead. You've acknowledged your frustration so you likely won't do that to yourself again for a while. Besides, everyone is entitled to a fun night out with hubby without having to track.

My weight loss journey